Most women are in denial that they are hippopotami who will never be glamorous wearers of slacks.

But not Luciana Avedon. She writes the following in The Beautiful People’s Diet Book (1973):

“There are the cheetahs of the world and the hippopotami. Much to my chagrin, I was built for the herd — one year of negligence and you would find me by the riverbank, shifting my bulk in a vast hippopotamus sprawl!”

She probably shouldn’t wear slacks then, according to Margery Wilson in You’re As Young As You Act (1951):

“THE OVERWEIGHT WOMAN SHOULD NEVER WEAR SLACKS.”

Pretty straightforward there Margery.

This is just some of the amazing and timeless wisdom aggregated in “Outdated Beauty Advice” on newcomer website The Hairpin, co-founded by Edith Zimmerman , in whose awe we will forever be for composing this masterpiece about how to make your husband a nice dinner.

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